This weekend our family went on a little vacation with some good friends. We packed up our cars and all five of our accumulated children and headed to a hotel with a water park. The children were delighted to have hours and hours together in the water. We adults were delighted to have other adults for company while we spent hours and hours in the water.

Nothing will get a child focused and moving like the promise of a water park after a two-hour drive, so our kids were in their suits and on a water slide within minutes of arrival. We adults, needing to warm up slowly, found a table and sat for a few minutes. If we’re going to be honest, one of the chief grown-up entertainments at such an establishment is people watching. And this is just what we did. We watched babies and children and their parents and ogled tattoos. So many tattoos!

“Psssst. Jess. Jesssss,” our friend Jon hissed at me, in that loud whisper one must use when having a private conversation in a loud place.

“What?” I loud-hissed back at him.

“That table over there–see that stuff? The guy who’s sitting there has a green plastic monkey tattooed on his back,” Jon reply-hissed at me.

I scrunched up my face at him, because surely I had heard wrong. He repeated himself, and then told me to wait. Sure enough, the man came back. And he had a barrel of monkeys tattooed all down his back, green ones included. It was like I had died and gone to heaven. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

And then (this is the part that might shock you slightly) we started to follow him around to get a picture of his tattoo. Yes, it would have been more appropriate to stop the man and say, “Hey, you know, I just wrote a book called There’s a Green Plastic Monkey in My Purse, and you have that monkey tattoo. Can I have a picture for the blog?” But it was way more fun to sneak behind him and get a picture.

Here’s my first attempt. Not so hot. But it’s really hard to get a decent picture in a water park when the subject is not aware that he should stop to

Here’s the second attempt. Better, but the inner tube is sort of interrupting a good thing there.monkey-innertube

And finally, here’s the final shot. I don’t know exactly how we got this close for the picture, but there it is. Perfection.tatto-clearSo there we go, folks. Green Plastic Monkeys are the new craze. Get your own tattoo at a parlor near you, and send me a picture. I’ll put it on the blog, assuming that it’s in a place appropriate enough for everyone to see. If you want to make me really happy, get a Bible verse and some parenting advice tattooed right next to it, and it would be a perfect marketing tool for the book.


14 Comments on Green Plastic Monkeys Are Everywhere

  1. Anne
    February 12, 2013 at 10:50 am (5 years ago)

    WOW. That WOULD be the ultimate marketing tool. Your publicist could probably get you a little more exposure if you would get this tattoo…I’m thinking the “Today” show for sure. Just sayin’.

  2. Anne
    February 12, 2013 at 10:55 am (5 years ago)

    HELLO AGAIN. I just got approval from our marketing manager to cover 25% of the cost of a tattoo for you…we’ll just take it out of our publicity budget. šŸ˜‰

  3. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 10:56 am (5 years ago)

    My publicist and I will have to have a conversation about this. Perhaps I could get the tattoo right over the stretched-out mess that used to be my belly button. Then I really would be combining marketing and parenting. Today Show, here we come!

  4. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 10:58 am (5 years ago)

    Oh, how I hate it when people call my bluff.

    I am so scared of tattoo parlors and the people who do them! If we can find a nice little old lady who will come to my kitchen, then we’re in business.

  5. Heidi @ lightlycrunchy
    February 12, 2013 at 11:00 am (5 years ago)

    Wow, now you know that there are stranger places to have green plastic monkeys..

  6. Cheri Swalwell
    February 12, 2013 at 11:02 am (5 years ago)

    LOVE IT! Can’t wait to read the book and remember the “water park dude” while reading it!

  7. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 11:09 am (5 years ago)

    If the water park dude reads the book, things might get very interesting. šŸ™‚

  8. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 11:10 am (5 years ago)

    Very true! My friend just found a winter glove under her microwave and suggested it for the title of my next book. šŸ™‚

  9. Rachel Hillman
    February 12, 2013 at 11:49 am (5 years ago)

    What if you get temporary plastic green monkey tattoos for your book signings?! Oh pllllleeeeaaaassssse, I will be first in line–and my kids!

  10. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 2:09 pm (5 years ago)

    I will totally look into those tonight! They have to exist, but can we get them delivered in three weeks?

  11. memyselfandkids
    February 12, 2013 at 4:36 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh gosh – following a person around to get pictures of his tatoo – this sounds like a sitcom episode. Funny.
    Sorry – not interested in getting a tatoo. However, I do hope the book does well & am curious about the title.

  12. Jessie Clemence
    February 12, 2013 at 5:20 pm (5 years ago)

    I guess I can’t be too upset at no one wanting to get a tattoo for me. I don’t want one, either. šŸ™‚

  13. Bob Evenhouse
    February 12, 2013 at 10:41 pm (5 years ago)

    Hilarious. And tattooed on a man’s back no less. What are the odds?

  14. Jessie Clemence
    February 13, 2013 at 10:15 am (5 years ago)

    And how fortunate for us that it wasn’t on his chest, or face, or something. That would have been so awkward.