I was paying attention yesterday during the sermon, and it was a darn good thing. Because suddenly, without warning, I became a sermon illustration. The Holy Reverend (or Jason, as we call him) was talking about St. Peter and how he lets people in to heaven, or not.

(Please do not send me or Jason hate mail about the theological inaccuracies in the last sentence. We know, we know. He was proving a point. (Jason was proving the point, not St. Peter.))

Jason mentioned that Shirley’s kid will probably get into heaven because she’s so sweet. Then he added that probably St. Peter will not allow any kids of Jessie Clemence through the pearly gates because she smokes cigars.

(The cigar-thing is a very long story and we don’t have time to get into it here, but trust me– the church understood.)

And that’s when I started heckling the preacher from the back row, where I sit each week. I yelled some things, which means I totally ignored 1 Corinthians 14:34, which in the New Living Translation includes the following words: women, silent, submissive, and law. I’m not good at putting those four words together in any instance, let alone when the preacher is trying to get my goat somewhere in the middle of Galatians.

Jason shouting

And then Jason made another wisecrack and then I yelled “That’s tomorrow’s blog post, right there, bub.”

And he said, “You’re welcome.” Then he continued with the sermon. My husband was snorting in laughter from the sound booth and I don’t know where Jason’s wife was, but she was probably rolling her lovely eyes and smirking a little, somewhere near the front. Quietly.

I am not as holy as the minister’s wife. And I am okay with that.

I don’t feel bad at all about the verbal volleys with Jason, but I do sort of feel bad about using my blog as a weapon. Here’s the thing– bloggers make people very nervous. I get a lot of “Hey, watch what you say. We’ll be on the blog tomorrow.” or, “Oh, jeez. Now Jessie’s going to write about us.” And people shift nervously in their seats and refrain from adding any more to the conversation.

I’ve been trying to tell people they don’t have to fear what I write about them. I don’t want people to worry I’ll put their personal details or our conversations on the blog. But then I went and blew it all by using my blog as a way to silence a sassy preacher.

Sometimes my mouth works faster than my good intentions.

Can anyone else relate?

Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. James 3:2, NLT


5 Comments on What to Yell When Your Preacher Gets Sassy from the Pulpit

  1. memyselfandkids.com
    July 8, 2014 at 12:11 am (4 years ago)

    You smoke cigars? What’s that got to do with your children? I would think your treatment of the cat would keep you from those pearly gates.
    I get people saying the same thing about the blog.

  2. Jessie Clemence
    July 8, 2014 at 9:39 am (4 years ago)

    I’ve never actually smoked a cigar, but I might start firing them up in the middle of church now, just to prove some sort of demented point.

    Jason’s point was that it’s our own relationship with God and the Son that allow us access to God’s presence. Our parents can’t get us in (or keep us out!).

  3. memyselfandkids.com
    July 8, 2014 at 3:19 pm (4 years ago)

    Responsibility for self – got it.

  4. Kristen E
    July 8, 2014 at 9:00 pm (4 years ago)

    I immediately thought back to the days when Andy D. was our assoc. minister. Whenever he would preach we would all be waiting to see who he would use as an illustration in his sermons. :). I believe that anyone bold enough to use your name in a sermon should know they are fodder for blogging. (Teehee!).

    It is interesting, though, I can be accused of being dense in many instances. . . I have never changed my conversation when around my blogging friends/acquaintances. I was excited when another blogger wrote about an event that I organized. I felt famous for a few seconds.

    PS I love reading your blog and can’t wait until you have a smidgen more free time for it!

  5. Jessie Clemence
    July 9, 2014 at 10:07 am (4 years ago)

    You are too sweet. And if all goes to plan, the whole town will be famous before too long. (Please pray for more book deals!) 🙂