In the course of normal human parenting, there will come a day when we need to hide from the children.

Of course we love the children. We love them to bits.

It’s just that sometimes we love them best from a distance of ten feet to one acre. We need a little time to pluck our eyebrows, to finish a chapter in a book, or to take a nap.

(Please, dear Lord. A nap. I’m not asking for much.)

As an introverted parent I’ve become an expert on hiding from my own kids. Here are some of my best ideas.

Suggested Hiding Spots:

  1. Behind the washer and dryer. I know it’s a little dusty back there, but I think we can make this work. Use the extension on your vacuum and get out the lint balls, then install some sort of a shelf and sleeping bag combo. Be careful not to set the sleeping bag on fire from the hot dryer parts.
  2. In your kids’ own messy closets! Artfully rearrange their crap until you have a parent-sized hole. Cover yourself with a sheet.
  3. The neighbor’s back yard. Make sure you can see your own house in case of flames or sibling death-matches. Pull a lawn chair over to the adjoining property, cover your face with a hat, and snooze away. Your kids will assume you’re the neighbor if they don’t look too closely.
  4. Under your bed. I can’t do this right now because our mattress and box spring are sitting directly on the floor, due to some issues we’re having with Eric not being willing to spend over a thousand dollars on a bed frame I’ve picked out. (And we keep breaking our other bed frames. But that’s a discussion for another time.) You probably have some space under your bed. Crawl right under there and rest. You deserve it.
  5. The back of the van. Our van windows are so tinted you can’t see a dang thing from the outside. The kids can’t see me without actually opening the back door or peering over the back seat, and we all know kids give up looking long before this. Just don’t move and they won’t be able to see you, like in Jurassic Park.

So there you go– permission to hide and concrete ideas of where to do it. What did I forget? Where do you hide in your own house?

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8 Comments on Hiding Places: all the spots the kids can’t find you

  1. Anonymous
    November 18, 2015 at 2:28 pm (2 years ago)

    Hey Jessie,
    I liked that. I’m sure you’ll get more suggestions from your readers.
    With your permission, I’d like to use “Where To Hide From Your Children,” in my HAPPY MAIL.
    The Lazybear <

  2. Andrew Gilmore
    November 18, 2015 at 3:25 pm (2 years ago)

    I like to wear clothing that matches the couch so I can camouflage myself.

  3. Jessie Clemence
    November 18, 2015 at 4:09 pm (2 years ago)

    Excellent suggestion! Perhaps I should invest in a beige Snuggie.

  4. Jessie Clemence
    November 18, 2015 at 4:10 pm (2 years ago)

    Sure, Lazybear! You can use it. 🙂

    November 18, 2015 at 9:40 pm (2 years ago)

    Some day your kids might actually read your blog. That day will lead them to therapy and they’ll tell the doctor how their mother used to hide from them.
    Nah – I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or anything.
    Just go off and hide in that closet.

  6. Jessie Clemence
    November 19, 2015 at 9:32 am (2 years ago)

    Funny story– Caleb was sitting next to me on the couch and saw the post, so he read it. He got down to the van idea and said, “Mom, that’s not going to work. I hide in there all the time and you can’t be in there too.” So there you go.

    November 19, 2015 at 1:06 pm (2 years ago)

    Tough child.
    I still say some day…

  8. David
    November 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm (2 years ago)

    When John got a new cabin bed there was a void behind it that can be accessed via the pull out desk section (which he leaves out). We got some LED lights in IKEA and put some cushions under there giving him a cubby hole to hide from his sister. It was ages before she found it. She could not understand where he was disappearing to. As for hiding from the kids. I go for a walk.