In a move noted as “bold” and “long overdue,” a new pageant arrives on the scene this season.
Viewed by many as the obvious alternative for 99% of human women, the Ms. Mediocre, Slightly Chubby, Often Cranky, Bad Hair Day Pageant offers what traditional beauty pageants lack– common sense and a firm grip on reality.
Competitions are scheduled in the following crucial life skill departments:
- Chasing a toddler through a busy parking lot while holding two bags of groceries
- Politely helping your best friend realize her eyebrows have grown out of control
- Speaking to teenage offspring without using all the swears
- Messy buns and other half-arsed hair options
- Yoga pants vs pajama pants: how, when, and where
Interested applicants are encouraged to apply quickly and decisively. Judges expect a torrential onslaught of candidates, as no one has ever shown interest in the common woman before.
Perky, thin, gorgeous women with full and natural breasts will be shot immediately upon application, officials stated in the press conference held early this morning. Shot to death, they clarified.
The pageant is expected to be held sometime in spring, but an exact date is hard to determine, as NORMAL WOMEN HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO TO BE PRANCING AROUND THE STAGE AT A STUPID PAGEANT.
When an official date is scheduled, we will be the first to let you know. Stay tuned for further details.