When a friend reveals a terrible thing going on in her life, we might respond with a hug and “Oh, how hard. I’ll pray for you.”
And then we forget.
We watch the news and our retinas are burned out by the horrible things we see broadcast and we think I should pray about that more.
But we get distracted.
The church emails the really long and detailed prayer list and our eyes glaze over immediately, completely unprepared to pray for Mr. Stone’s prostate surgery on Thursday.
BECAUSE I’M NOT PREPARED TO DISCUSS MR. SMITH’S PROSTATE WITH THE ALMIGHTY, okay?
I’m just not.
We feel guilty about how we don’t actually pray for our friends, family, and community enough, but we have no idea of how to fit that into our lives.
We want to worship and focus on God’s mighty attributes, but the children and the piles of laundry are so much louder than God most days.
Guess what. Someone saw this need coming and they wrote a book for us, and then a copy was thoughtfully provided for us for free here on the blog. It’s called Pray A to Z (***affiliate link) and Amelia Rhodes understands our messy, crazy lives. Her organized brain has categorized our concerns so we can actually pray like we want to do.
From A (adoption, abuse, Almighty…) to P (pregnancies, Pain, Promise Keeper) to Z (zest, Zion, zeal), we can read through the simple, quick entries to direct our thoughts outward to God, seeking him.
Let’s take a peek inside Pray A to Z
Of course I turned first to the Finances entry, because that’s how my brain works. I loved how this section fits in exactly with what we talk about on this blog all the time:
Father, forgive me for where I have allowed the love of money to creep into my life. Help me remember to put my trust in You, not in a bank account, in possessions, or in what money can do for me. Let my security rest in You, not my stuff. Help me learn to be content with what I have, and not always be searching for the next great thing. Grow my desire to use money to serve You and Your kingdom… (p. 54).
I love prayers that are written out, simply because they gather my thoughts and intentions and express them so beautifully. This book is a gentle way to keep me on track and focused on the right things when I pray, instead of running my brain around like an anxious chicken.
Win a copy!
If you’d like to be more prayerful, more worshipful, and more competent to discuss Mr. Smith’s prostate with the Lord (just kidding, there’s no Prostate chapter), this book is exactly what you need. You can click the icon below to be entered into a contest to win a copy for yourself!
Amelia Rhodes is fabulous, and I know you’ll love to get to know her. You can find her at her website, ameliarhodes.com. Following God into the Unknown is my favorite series on her blog, and you can read all about how her family believed God was calling them to downsize and move to a new house. It’s a story of faith, contentment, and rejection of modern culture’s expectations. You’re going to love it; check it out!
Financial advice must go beyond simple math lessons. The important stuff doesn’t have anything to do with cereal coupons or BOGO sales at the QuickMart. The best financial advice starts in our minds and hearts, giving us the right motivations and perspective on how we’re spending our money.
Years ago I was a fairly hysterical young wife and mother. And I mean hysterical in the “hey, that lady in the library’s budgeting section should be medicated,” not the “ha-ha, she’s funny kind of way.”
I had a lot of goals for our family and we didn’t have buckets of gold dropping from the clouds. I turned my energy to learning everything I could about frugal living, budgeting, and stretching our income.
The dream that keeps on giving, I tell you
And this is where The Complete Tightwad Gazette (*affiliate link) came into our lives, for better or worse. I found a copy in our little bitty library, a giant, 959-page tome of light shining into our financial situation. Amy Dacyczyn was a woman not unlike myself– a mother who wanted to raise her family in a certain way, and she was going to require some ninja-level skills to achieve her dreams.
Her dream was to have a big family (six kids!), live in the country in a charming old farmhouse, and not use daycare. This was a tall order, even back in the 80s and 90s.
The Complete Tightwad Gazette is a compilation of all her ninja-level frugal living skills, bound up for us today. But let’s be honest– we’re not living in 1992 anymore. Some of the advice in the book is now a bit laughable. For example, there are several entries on how to save money on stamps and envelopes. I can’t even imagine worrying about envelopes today. There’s also an article on saving money with CD membership programs, and some random advice on powdered milk.
So let’s skip all that and get right to the stuff that still applies to our lives today. Here’s the financial advice from Amy Dacyczyn that changed my life, and my family’s future. I’m confident this still applies for your family, too.
Set your family’s goals, then work relentlessly to meet them.
There’s no point to frugal living or budgeting if you don’t have a goal. Even if your plans are as simple as Save enough to pay off the last doctor’s visit, that’s fine. But the goals and the priorities are the place we all start.
It’s okay to live a counter cultural life to reach those goals.
Listen, it wasn’t normal to have a passel of kids and live in a huge old farmhouse in 1992, either. The Dacyczyns were weirdos even then. But they didn’t care. They were willing to wear garage-sale clothing and become DIY experts to live the life they envisioned. Nothing has changed in that regard.
It takes big and small sacrifices to reach the most important goals.
The most worthwhile goals require more than switching to the cheap toilet paper or using a coupon for coffee. We might have to severely limit our housing costs, our grocery bills, our insurance costs, and then still micromanage the tiny expenses.
It’s worth it in the end.
The Dacyczyns made their choices and lived with them happily. They got their big old farmhouse and raised their big old family there. They drank reconstituted powdered milk and ate produce from their own garden, exactly the way they wanted to live. Your goals might be completely different, but you can revel in your own success when you achieve what’s best for your family.
Those are my favorite bits of the Dacyczyn story. Sure, I benefited from their muffin recipe and giggled at the article on dumpster diving. But really, their life gave me the courage to set our own goals and then to be content with the sacrifices those goals required.
It’s what this entire blog is about, all these years later.
I hope you’ll pick up your own copy of the Tightwad Gazette, and let me know what works for you!
In a move noted as “bold” and “long overdue,” a new pageant arrives on the scene this season.
Viewed by many as the obvious alternative for 99% of human women, the Ms. Mediocre, Slightly Chubby, Often Cranky, Bad Hair Day Pageant offers what traditional beauty pageants lack– common sense and a firm grip on reality.
Competitions are scheduled in the following crucial life skill departments:
Chasing a toddler through a busy parking lot while holding two bags of groceries
Politely helping your best friend realize her eyebrows have grown out of control
Speaking to teenage offspring without using all the swears
Messy buns and other half-arsed hair options
Yoga pants vs pajama pants: how, when, and where
Interested applicants are encouraged to apply quickly and decisively. Judges expect a torrential onslaught of candidates, as no one has ever shown interest in the common woman before.
Perky, thin, gorgeous women with full and natural breasts will be shot immediately upon application, officials stated in the press conference held early this morning. Shot to death, they clarified.
The pageant is expected to be held sometime in spring, but an exact date is hard to determine, as NORMAL WOMEN HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO TO BE PRANCING AROUND THE STAGE AT A STUPID PAGEANT.
When an official date is scheduled, we will be the first to let you know. Stay tuned for further details.
All the shiny things are in the stores! But we want to control our holiday spending, right? Because we still need to afford the rest of our life once Christmas is over.
Today I was in Lowes to buy sandpaper for the cat (it’s a long story and you really don’t want to know), and I took a moment to peruse their lovely holiday decorations.
They have a giant JOY sign that costs $1200. I mean, it’s huge. The letters are as tall as I am, maybe taller. It would look really cool in my front yard, BUT IT COSTS $1200.
It’s stuff like this that wreaks havoc at Christmastime. Of course we’d like the giant JOY sign. Of course we’d like to buy our friends and family everything they could dream of owning. Of course we’d like to put plane tickets to the Bahamas in our sister’s Christmas stocking!
But most of us can’t afford these things. And if you can afford these things, I bet you aren’t actually reading this blog post. You’re too busy rolling in your piles of gold coins.
The rest of us have to get a grip on our holiday spending or we’re going to be homeless and hungry in January. Here’s how we are going to do that.
We’re going to stay out of the stores. Instead, we’re going to go to the library to find excellent, free ideas for holiday fun. There are entire books on affordable holiday ideas! But mostly, we’re going to stay out of the stores. The marketing department of your favorite store has your number, sister. They want to control your holiday spending for you, and they know what makes your heart beat faster. They know what looks so beautiful to you, their ideal customer, that you lose your mind and whip out your credit card. Trust me, they’re way ahead of you. Stay out of their way because your mortgage company will not accept “but the JOY sign was so pretty” in lieu of a payment next month.
We’re going to do some math and figure out the Christmas budget. This is hard and ugly and might involve some crying when you realize you have $20 to spend for Christmas this year. You get an hour to be depressed, and then you will pull yourself together, be proud of yourself for accepting reality, and you will get creative.
We will have honest conversations with our loved ones. Maybe it’s our spouse, or our best friend, or our mom. This might be painful. But your loved ones would be horrified to know you’re spending holiday money you don’t have on them. Love them enough to be honest. And also, this honesty might be a life saver for them! Maybe they don’t have enough for Christmas this year, either. Maybe you can have a potluck night instead, or go to a free holiday concert together. But until we’re having honest conversations with our people, we won’t be able to take care of each other in the most loving ways.
We will remember that children do not need an explosion of presents on Christmas morning. If your kids are old enough to understand the concept, begin by helping them understand the family reality right now. They understand and can adapt far more than we give them credit for, and trust me, they’ll be able to feel your stress if you spend too much. Let their holiday be breezy and fun like it’s supposed to be. If your kid is too young to understand money or presents, then please, please, please, go to the thrift store and buy them a few delightful things. I swear to you they’ll never know the difference.
We will go to church and remember that Christmas was never supposed to be about blinking lights and credit card debt. We will remember a tiny baby, placed in a manger, worshipped by shepherds from the hills. We will feel profoundly thankful and we will tell our Heavenly Father how wonderful he is.
I do know this– Christmas begins and ends in our hearts. If we’re miserable and sad, no amount of holiday spending will buy enough presents to fix us. But if we choose joy and simplicity, no lack of money can ruin the season for us.
So may we choose wisely, and may we choose joy!
I found a few ideas on Amazon. Maybe these will help! (*Affiliate link)
Perhaps you’ve reached a point in your life where you really want to do the best thing for yourself and your family, but you have no idea of what that best thing really is. You aren’t sure what your priorities really are.
Should you work more hours and cushion the budget?
Work less hours to be home with the kids more?
Go back to school? Find a different career? Volunteer more? Volunteer less?
The options are endless and every decision leads to a different place in the future. How are we supposed to find the best path?
But before we get our knickers in a knot, let’s calm down. There certainly are a lot of choices in every life, but there doesn’t have to be one, solitary healthy outcome.
I’m serious. You can make a lot of different choices and end up in a lot of different places fifteen years from now, but most of them will be good and healthy and fine. You’re going to be fine and your family is going to be fine.
Unless, of course, you take up heroin or chain smoking or bank robbing. Those are terrible priorities. Stay clear of those things and you’ll probably be fine. You might become a doctor with a nanny who takes care of the kids, or you might become a stay at home mom with an Etsy shop. Maybe you’ll own your own restaurant or maybe you’ll cater small parties from home. Fine and fine.
We worry a lot about the future but seldom remind ourselves that it all works out, somehow.
But still, we have to actually make a decision and then act on it, right? Life choices all begin in the same place: mulling the problems and potential solutions over in your mind. We have to find our priorities, and we can’t do that without some serious thinking.
Today I’ve included a little worksheet/graphic for you at the end of the blog. If you like to write and think slowly, print it off and get yourself a pencil and an excellent beverage. But maybe you’ll just bookmark this link and work from the graphic itself; whatever works for you is fine.
The worksheet has one purpose– to help you identify the problem in your own life that is causing you the most pain, and then to identify one priority and solution to start on the path to simple living.
It’s easy to think “Yikes, lady. I have way more than one problem and I want to do all the things to fix everything all at once.”
And I’m here to tell you the truth: Doing all the things will make you all the crazy. . You have to say yes to a few things, the most important things, and then you’ll have to say no to a lot of other things.
This little worksheet will help you think through where you are now and where you want to be. It’ll bring you one little step closer to the next place in your life. It will help you simplify everything.
I was at a conference recently, and the Hope*Writers encouraged us with this– if we get stuck,just do the next right thing. Then repeat and repeat. I hope this worksheet will help you figure out what the next right thing is for you!
Howdy! Are you looking for a good tutorial on how to make great graphics for your blog or social media? I’m here for you in your hour of need. I’ve been making graphics and editing photos for for five years, and I started knowing nothing. Zero things. I’ve learned it a little at a time, and you can too! I’ll begin with a few basics, and then I’ll tell you what sites and apps can make these graphics.
First of all, let’s start with a few very basic graphic design principles. I learned these from a book called The Non-Designer’s Design Book, by Robin Williams (not that Robin Williams. A different, teachery one). You can find it here on Amazon (*affiliate link). I love this book because she breaks down the process into a few simple steps for novices like us. Here’s a summary of the most important principles with some graphics for examples.
We’ll start with this mess I created just as an example. There’s nothing right about this quote. I used a bunch of fonts, and they’re all sort of the same but not exactly the same. The words wander all over the screen and nothing makes sense.
We need to apply the principle of Contrast. Similar isn’t good enough. Make the fonts the same or completely different. Evaluate the type of font you’d like to use. If it’s heavy and fat, then your other fonts should be lighter and thinner.
This is a little better. At least the fonts don’t look close-but-not-close-enough, like when you wander out of the house wearing a blue shoe and a black shoe.
Now we need to apply the principles of Repetition and Unity. Make sure your photo, your font, and your idea blend well together. Repeat colors in the graphic (pull them from the photo, if you’re using one). Use the same idea throughout. If you have several graphics in one blog post, make sure they go together.
Again, a little better. Now we have fonts that make sense, colors that go together, and a little bit of bokeh in the background. Things aren’t so ugly anymore!
Now let’s apply the principle of Alignment: Please don’t allow random plopping of text or photos! Have the edges line up as much as possible. Center things if it makes it stronger, or play with a bottom, right hand alignment. Draw an imaginary line and make sure it’s straight. Your eye wants to follow a line that makes sense.
Now we have our last principle, Proximity: Things that relate should go together. Make sure the white space is also grouped, not dispersed. Things that you want to emphasize should have the larger font, the heavier color, or both. Secondary items should visually move to the background a little bit, but should still be readable. In the graphic below, the main part of the text is readable (thanks to that background circle called an overlay) and the words are also the same size. “So Listen” is what you see first, which was the point I was making with this graphic.
Here, let me show you two more graphics to illustrate what I mean. This poor invitation breaks literally every rule I just shared. It’s an abomination.
But here, I’ve cleaned it up for us. Isn’t it better? The same information is all available, but in a way that pleases the eye. I’ve picked two fonts (three is the max! No more than three!) and they’re clearly different from each other. The main color scheme is black and white, but I added a muted orange-yellow for some contrast. I’ve chosen a right-hand alignment, and our eye is happy to see the visual organization. And lastly, the information that belongs together is all carefully placed together. The reader no longer has to wander all over the invitation, seeking when and where to show up.
Okay, this is all very well and good, you’re saying. But where and how do I make these things? Excellent question. I have several great choices for you. I use all three of these sites/apps a lot, and I’ll start with the one I use the most.
PicMonkey!This was the site where I started and where I made all the graphics for this post. I spend hours here every week, and I cheerfully pay for the yearly subscription ($39). I love this site so much I signed up to be an affiliate, so if you click on the banner above I’ll make a small commission. But let me promise you I don’t advertise services I don’t use, and I firmly stand behind this one. Here’s what I think about PicMonkey after five years of heavy use.
Excellent tutorials. I’ve learned so much from their amazing blog. Here’s the link!
Ease of use. It’s simple to resize things, filter images, upload photos, and then save it to your computer. If you have any computer skills at all, you can quickly master PicMonkey.
Tons of free options. If an upgrade isn’t in your budget, no worries. You can use a lot of the features for free.
New mobile feature! This is brand new, as of mid-2016. And hallelujah for it!
Your computer needs to have Flash updated and running well, or PicMonkey can’t handle the strain. Whenever things get goofy for me, I look down and sure enough– my Adobe icon is bouncing.
No grid to line up text and features. Other photo editors, like Canva, automatically give you lines to show when you’ve aligned with other text. I really wish the Monkey would come up with this soon.
Canva! (Find them at canva.com.) I was introduced to this website last year, and I think it has some great features. It has similar functions to PicMonkey, but the site is organized differently and has a different learning curve. I think I would have loved it if I had started with it earlier, but some of the features are so different than PicMonkey that I keep going back to what I know, especially when I’m in a hurry. Here’s what I’ve learned about Canva so far:
Amazing tutorials! They’ll even email you every few weeks with a new one. They’re interactive, five-minute lessons to show you how to make great graphics on their site. Click here for their Design School.
That grid I was just mentioning in the PicMonkey section is a huge bonus. It’s really helpful to keep things aligned and looking spiffy.
Your earlier designs are saved for you (if you set up a free account). This is awesome because you can go back and rework things (or find them if your computer loses your work!).
Things get a little weird when I go to download my graphics. Sometimes. Other times it’s fine. I seem to have the best luck if I download a jpg instead of a png. I think it might be a problem with how Canva interacts with Firefox on my work computer.
Resizing images (which is something I need to do all the time) takes a paid subscription. Since I pay for PicMonkey but I’m not made out of money, I don’t have a subscription with Canva. I do tend to keep about $10 on my account there, though, because some of their elements are pay-as-you-go.
WordSwag! I was also introduced to this app just last year, and it’s been a huge time saver.
Absolutely zero graphic design stress. You pick a background or photo, and then you type in your text. From there you pick from many, many different text styles, and the app makes it perfect for you.
Pixabay photos are connected to the search feature. This means you have thousands of copyright free pictures to choose from.
Mobile only, as of this writing.
Limited options for tweaking the text. Sometimes things are almost right in WordSwag, but not quite. For example, I write about God a lot since I’m a faith-based blogger. In some WordSwag options “God” will be written “god,” which means an entirely different thing to my reader. There’s no way for me to simply fix that little g. I have to pick other options until I get the capital I need.
How can I be content when this season of my life just totally stinks?
If you haven’t slept eight hours straight in weeks (or years!), this post is for you. If you can’t find contentment because your life is a terrible, awful mess, this post is for you.
If you have bills piled high on the counter and a lot of zeros in the checking account, this post is for you.
It’s also for anyone who is being literally smothered to death by small children, health problems, marriage struggles, or relationship issues.
If every single one of those things has landed upon you simultaneously, then let’s have a nice little chat.
I know you want to have a great attitude in the midst of the struggle. I get it. You’re not trying to mope around and spread gloom and despair. You see that Pinterest meme that says life isn’t about avoiding the storms, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
And you want to believe that’s possible, but your life is this terrible, complicated mess and all you want to do is have three free hours to nap. And then you want to be able to afford to buy some really cute shoes.
You’re not asking for much.
You just want a little bit of quiet time and a little bit of money to go further than the basics. You’d love to find contentment, but your season of life really sucks stinks and you are sick to death of it.
I’ve been where you are. I was once a young mother with little money, a little house, and very, very little sanity. I felt stuck and crazy, and this was because I was stuck and crazy. There was no getting out of our situation unless a nanny and a trillion dollars fell from the skies.
I had no choice but to plug along, day after day, making the best decisions I could with what I had. It felt like things would never lighten up.
Contentment (and a better life!) can be sneaky
Here’s the thing– while I trudged along through the endless days, things did lighten up. The kids learned to sleep through the night and eat regular food and then they went to school. My sanity returned and eventually our finances balanced out.
I’d like to offer you a miracle cure to fast-track you through this season of life, but I can’t. I can only tell you this secret– it’s the trudging that eventually makes all the difference. Trudging along is really a thousand little choices every day that feel inconsequential all by themselves. Really, no one notices if you wipe a snotty nose a hundred times a day or restrain yourself from that $6 latte again.
You might be tempted to think those little choices don’t matter.
But, my friend, you’d be wrong. It feels like we’re going nowhere, but really every single one of those actions is digging us a little bit further out of the muck.
It’s the sum total of all those steps that makes the difference.
One day you look around and realize you’re in a better, more wonderful place. But you wouldn’t have gotten there without the thousands of tiny steps each day. You’ve found contentment, inch by agonizing inch.
We pay off debt with each individual dollar that isn’t spent other places.
We love our children with a hundred hugs and a million kind words. Also, many bags of goldfish crackers and trips to the park.
Marriages are healed with many gentle responses and so, so many words bitten back.
I know it feels endless and hopeless. But don’t underestimate the value of the tiny things in this very season of life. They might be the very things that change the future.
As I write this, the holidays are approaching and you’re the elected hostess. It’s entirely possible your house is already filling with guests in some sort of Christmas Vacation scenario, and your Cousin Eddie’s dog is rooting through the trash while his tenement on wheels is parked in your driveway. The bedrooms and couches are filled to capacity and you’ve started smoking your hidden cigarettes again to ease your nerves.
You want everyone to enjoy their holiday and their time in your home. But you’re also freaking out a little and wishing you’d moved to Iceland last year when you had the chance to transfer to the Kirkjubæjarklaustur office.
Just in time to calm your nerves, I bring you The Reluctant Entertainer (affiliate link*), the book that reminds us that hospitality is about opening our lives to our guests, not trying to impress them with our superior decorating, cooking, and cleaning skills. Being a great hostess doesn’t have to look like what we see on TV.
“Opening our lives” means sharing our actual lives, not the perfect ones we fake for social media. The pile of shoes by the front door can stay. So can the toys spread across the living room floor and the heap of clothes you hide on the far side of the bed.
The nasty garbage and the pile of dishes that smells like something died in the drain might be going a little far, because generally guests do enjoy being able to breathe through the nose without gagging. And a wee bit of attention paid to the bathroom never hurt anyone, either.
Guests need comfortable places to hang out, good food, and some clean towels. Mostly, they want our presence, and not the jacked-up, anxious, nervous-breakdown-hostess edition. They’d like the calm and relaxed edition of us, the one who eats too many cookies and then hides the dirty cookie trays in the oven.
On the other hand…some of you may be dreading your guests for good reason. They might be picky, demeaning, and critical, with a tendency to make pointed comments about your scuffed baseboards.
This says a lot about them, and nothing about you.
Their criticism comes from a dark place in their heart, and you don’t have to go there. Go about your business. Eat another cookie. Take a nip from the flask you keep in the top cupboard. But don’t let them convince you that you’re the problem.
You enjoy your holiday, be the best hostess you can be, share the joy of the season and the gift of Christ’s birth, and move on. They’ll go home soon and you can nap all through January.
So, I’m sitting here in a house that’s stuffed to the gills with Halloween candy. Almost twelve pounds, to be exact. And while I’m sitting here and the smell of sugar is wafting out of the cupboard, I’m thinking deep thoughts.
These deep thoughts tend to be comparisons between the Halloweens I grew up with and the Halloween I know now. Way, way back in the 80s, our conservative church culture viewed the holiday with suspicion and fear, like perhaps Satan was in the streets gobbling up little children as they went from door to door.
It seemed safer to stay home and watch TV and avoid Satan all together. Oh, sometimes we could go to the school party at night, or maybe the church put on an alternative Harvest Party– a little bit of Halloween, but not too much.
I get the general idea behind the mindset. It’s absolutely dangerous to go dabbling in the dark, spiritual realm. But whether we like it or not, I think we can all acknowledge that our communities and neighborhoods are on the move Halloween night. Not only are things hopping, they’re coming right to our doors. And we’re going to right to theirs.
We had a neighbor move in two months ago, and I swear to you I’ve seen his face three times (at a distance) in eight weeks. There were two weeks where I wondered if he’d actually died in the house and we should send in a rescue team. I’ve looked for ways to introduce myself, but he skitters in and out like he’s afraid of the fresh air.
Guess what, buddy. We’re coming over on Halloween and we’re going to introduce ourselves. Prepare yourself.
Another set of neighbors held a party on Saturday and we had a chance to catch up with people we usually just wave at while passing. Small children ran rampant through Josh and Heather’s home, battling with plastic weapons from their costumes. During this chaos Josh and Heather calmly chatted with the adults, watching their house being slowly torn to shreds. They just laughed and said they’d clean up in the morning. They were more interested in building friendships than protecting their carpet.
I’ve been watching our friends online and I’ve seen pumpkin carving parties, trunk or treat preparations, and group outings to the pumpkin farm. I love how people are coming together over chocolate and giant orange vegetables. We can reframe this holiday and use it to reach out, to grow closer, to strengthen friendships and start new ones.
At the moment I have all the candy in the high cupboard over the fridge. I like to tell myself it’s because I’m hiding it from the children, but really it’s to slow myself down from eating all of it before the trick or treaters show up. Because when the little ghosties and ghouls come begging, I’m going to be ready for them.
They might leave my porch a little bit afraid of the over-friendly lady handing out twelve pounds of candy, but they’ll certainly know I was glad they stopped by. I’ve decided this is a chance to love my neighbors, and community. And I may take a wee nibble of chocolate while I’m at it.
What about you? How does your family approach this subject?
Are you surrounded by friends who get you? I mean, do you have friends who support you in all your life choices? I think they’re key to living out your calling and dreams, and here’s why.
I have this good friend, Betsy, who is also my hairstylist. Now that my hair care routine requires quite a bit of dye to restore my luscious locks to the color I remember them being at age 25, Betsy and I get quite a bit of quality time together every six weeks.
The last time I was in the shop we started talking about priorities in life, and the toll they take on our finances. For example: choosing to travel as a family and/or enrolling the kids in a Christian school. Both are wonderful options, but neither comes cheaply. We talked about making all the budget areas stretch so we could fit our priorities into our financial picture without taking on debt.
And then we really got on a roll and examined how our friendships can be the key to helping us stay on track with our life choices, or they can derail us in the most dangerous ways.
I told her about how many years ago we’d chosen a completely different preschool for Caleb, because the community at his older sister’s preschool included people who actually went to the yacht club. They drove SUVs the size of my living room. They gave birthday parties for three year olds that cost hundreds of dollars.
I was out of my league in my rusty Chevy and wee little house and homemade cupcakes. So far out of my league, that for Caleb’s preschool experience we chose a little school in a farming community to our south. I felt far more comfortable there, like my life goals made sense to them and then, in turn, to me while I was there.
Betsy understood exactly what I meant, and told me about their friends with blue carpet. “They can afford new carpet,” she said, “but they have other priorities. They just haven’t changed it yet.”
That blue carpet brings something important to their relationship. It’s a statement. A reminder that not everything in life has to be perfect. It’s okay to have financial limitations or life goals other people might not understand.
It’s camaraderie, too. When we can peer into a friend’s life and see tangible proof that they feel no need to have everything matching and new and shiny and perfect, we can hold our our mismatched little lives close together and feel like we’re on the same team. Someone gets us.
On Thursday nights I take our kids to a local youth group and pull my beat up Sienna in next to my friend Kris’s beat up Sienna. We open up our trunks together to try to locate the leaks we both have, leaks that soak our trunk carpets in a good rain. We’ve been bonding over weird things since our college days, but those leaky trunks are just one more piece in the friendship.
It’s not like friendships start and blossom over things like wet carpet or blue carpet or even brand new carpet.
They blossom when something in me recognizes something in you, and we feel like we’re understood. We might not have the same life goals, we might not have the same blue carpet or old minivan, but we understand that you’re picking your important things and it’s okay for me to pick mine, too.
Friends who support us while we carve out our lives are one of God’s greatest gifts. So, today, I hope you’ll take a moment to notice your friends’ oddities and quirks and mismatched life. And may you say, out loud, how wonderful you think it all is. Your words might just give them the courage and joy they need today.
Flop down on their blue carpet and tell them it brings out the blue in their eyes. Climb into that minivan and say, “Oh, no. Mine smells so much worse than this. This is fine.”
Blue carpet is a way to connect and encourage. It’s kind of precious like that.